In my boredom, yes this is boring, I was surfing u-tube and I found Shinzen Young, a buddhist teacher who said, "Suffering equals pain times resistance." I've been thinking about that ever since. True Mark's impending death is a painful reality, but that is only made worse by my resistance to it.
I think that what Shinzen calls mindful meditation, I call prayer. What he calls Buddha, I call Jesus. The point is, it is this kind of Spirit centred focus that gives my whole family the tensile strength to carry on. Each of us exercises that process in a slightly different way, but the resilience, perhaps demonstrated best by Marky, is seen in each of us.
For the many people who are praying for us, I hope they pray in a way that reveals what is, rather than resists what is. We can fight what's wrong, or search for what's right. I'm watching and waiting and seeing the good in all this. I'm seeing the good work of advocates and politicians, of nurses and doctors, of friends and neighbours.
This evening a man I've never met came to the house to visit, it was beautiful. He's from Rowanda. I think he might know about suffering. He was just so humble. He didn't bring answers or advice, just himself. He prayed quietly for all of us, and then he slipped me an envelope with a little cash in it. It was so beautiful, not because he gave, but because of his faith. He believes in what is, and is not distracted by what isn't.
I'm looking forward to what hope tomorrow brings.